Art can be many things—a mirror reflecting the artist’s soul, or a map leading to something the artist didn’t even know they were searching for. Lucid Wet Dreams: Infatuation was absolutely the latter for me. At a time when desire felt like a distant memory, this project became a way to thaw out the ice that had taken hold of my passions. It was deeply personal, yet I made the bold choice to put my private thoughts and cravings on public display.
But let me back up, because this project didn’t exactly start out this way. Like most things in life, it had a rocky and somewhat chaotic beginning.
The first iteration of this project was supposed to be a modern twist on my earlier watercolor series, Her Lips, His Eyes. The concept was simple: I’d revisit past experiences with partners, crafting each piece as if it were a text message written directly to them. To accompany these “modern letters,” I planned to create art inspired by scenes from various adult films, with fully painted women contrasted against sketched-out male figures. It was raw, provocative, and, in hindsight, doomed from the start.
Why? Because social media loves drama, and I underestimated its power to twist narratives. When I teased the project with some mock text messages, they looked a little too real. People thought I’d actually sent these biting, emotionally charged messages to unsuspecting women. Some got it—art is art—but the internet doesn’t do nuance. The backlash was swift, and my carefully crafted narrative spiraled out of control.
To make matters worse, the art itself didn’t sit right with me. The painted and sketched figures clashed in ways I couldn’t resolve, and my personal life complicated things even further. Reconnecting with an ex and starting a new relationship made revisiting old flames feel, well, awkward. So, I scrapped the whole thing and moved on—or so I thought.
Fast-forward to the end of that relationship, and I found myself in a dark place. My sex drive was nonexistent, and I lacked the emotional maturity to figure out why. I just knew I wanted to feel something again. A conversation with someone I’d once shared a fiery connection with lit a small spark, and I realized I needed an outlet. That’s when I stumbled upon the remnants of my failed project.
This time, things were different. My skills had improved, my painting style had evolved, and I had a clearer vision. I decided to rebuild the project from the ground up.
The art took center stage this time. I drew inspiration from women who had stirred that intense, undeniable feeling of lust in me. The sketches of adult scenes became the background—an idea sparked by the women in the paintings, rather than the main focus. The painted figures now took precedence, with a splash of color nodding to my previous projects. Suddenly, everything clicked.
The writing, too, shifted. It wasn’t about past experiences anymore; it was about the raw, unfiltered desires these individuals inspired in me. No sugarcoating. No holding back. I set the mood—images of these muses on my TV, dim lighting, a clear mind—and let my feelings pour out. In those moments, I wasn’t crafting a project; I was confessing truths I’d never dared to speak.
I even invited anonymous submissions and included a few pieces written about me. It added another layer to the project—desire as both giver and receiver.
Once the writing was done, I paired it with the artwork. Some pieces reflected the same person; others combined different desires that fit together like puzzle pieces. The result was stunning. It didn’t reignite my passion in the way I’d hoped—many of those desires faded before the project was even finished—but the process was cathartic, and the final product was beautiful.
To this day, Lucid Wet Dreams: Infatuation remains my favorite project. It wasn’t perfect, and it didn’t fix everything, but it taught me something invaluable: art doesn’t have to solve your problems. Sometimes, it’s enough for it to just exist—and to remind you that you’re still capable of feeling something, even when everything else feels numb.
View the entire project HERE